Foolish Games
by Michaela Will
Summary: After Slayers Try, Filia adjusts to life outside the Fire Order with a little help from Xellos. Spoiler Warning. Gift Fic for GreyDamaskena.


_Foolish Games_

by Michaela Wills

He'd been watching her carefully. He'd been near when she found out ValGaav's past and what meaning it had for her. He'd been there when she spoke with the spirits of the Ancient dragons. He'd been watching when she renounced her order.

He was pondering her that very moment from a fair distance, mind you, and on the opposing side of a dimension. And then made a decision, with a smile marring his face.

* * *

For what is hardly the first time, I've allowed my thoughts to wander to the Ancients. Time alone in this shop doesn't offer solitude. Even in the late evening there is work to be done, an Ancient dragon to care for, not to mention Gravos and Jillas running around. Perhaps it is my way of escaping my past. Yet there are rare times like these where twilight is approaching, the boys are out back with something or another and the fetus is, as usual, quiet but without the usual need for attention. It is the hour of fireflies. When dust is visible in the sunstreaked air and the daily bustle of a small town melts into the tranquility of a small town night.

It is the hour I fear. For when the sky turns red my thoughts turn to blood. Spilt blood of the ancients and of my own. Red liquid solidifying into streaks and patterns. Blackish spiderwebs as they dry, crack, and flake away but always leaving deep stains.

I have taken responsibility, owed up to the past of my people and heard the tale. Even now, I can't fully comprehend it all. I remember when all the adrenaline died away from that Dark Star battle. I also remember Lina a few days later, after we'd all relaxed and returned to thinking about what the situation had been...

* * *

"Well, it was the only right thing to do." Filia had said. Amelia had nodded eyes wide with a avid admiration for the dragon's choice to put her life on the line and in a vindictive ValGaav's hands. Not to say that they all hadn't, but . . .

Lina suddenly loomed over her, a feat for one greatly deprived of Filia's stature. The seated dragon looked at Lina calmly until she noted the look in the mage's eyes. She couldn't--

SMACK

Lina stalked away from the marred dragon. Jillas had jumped to her side; Amelia and Gourry had rose to their feet warily and guarded; Zel pulled a familiar pouch of bandages and herbs from his cloak, tossing it to the compulsive fox. In silence there was panic.

Then Lina slammed her palms on a table.

"Don't you ever do that again." She turned and shot a dagger glare at Filia, "You acted like a martyr, do you know what that says?"

The silence gave Lina all the answer she was looking for, as did Filia's blank returned gaze.

"You didn't get it yet. You were still so busy taking in all that whiny bullshit those Ancient dragons gave you and you didn't understand it yet. I doubt you do even now. Dammit Filia! They weren't asking you to kill yourself. They would have been pissed off if you did play the martyr. That wasn't their way. ValGaav wasn't one of theirs, not by that point. He was a vengeful renegade and a mazoku. A mazoku!"

She laughed harshly and turned away.

"'Kill me' you said, 'spare them and take out your vengeance on the Gold dragon who just abandoned her order'. What you were really saying is 'I can't take this, end it for me.'"

Amelia gasped and Lina shot her a glare over her shoulder.

"You were acting like a Gold dragon. They couldn't accept who they were and you couldn't accept it either. ACCEPT IT. Move on. Take the spirit of the Ancients into your heart, or whatever, and live as they would want you to live, Gold dragon or not. You want to raise their last? To do it properly you should at least understand them even if you can't comprehend your own."

She turned a heartwrenching look on the group. Before this she'd kept her back to them, except when doling out glares. The expression was pained, yet peaceful. The exact emotion affecting the fire-child indiscernible. Yet that face and its potency was etched into Filia's mind.

"Don't you dare try and kill yourself ever again."

* * *

I knew she was right. I was looking for an escape, and ValGaav certainly was handing me one. So now in the hour of fireflies, I let myself think and try to understand. I still don't feel comfortable with it all, which is probably why I usually don't think on it, but I'm getting there. I'm a Gold dragon, and not all Gold dragons have done as they should have. The virtues I was taught have not always been followed. All that really means is that I must rise above it. And accept it.

It hurts.

Knowing how wrong my people were, despite the fact they somehow taught the right thing, they didn't act it. Even now, months later it hurts to think about. But I'm beginning to get it. How they became so misguided and what I have to do to avoid becoming like my elders. I've already become different from them.

That helps.

* * *

"Are you sure, Filia? I mean, sure I have plenty of cash, I just have to get to it."

"You have what?" Zelgadis asked, incredulity coloring his voice, "But we're always pulling money together to make ends meet. How can you say you have plenty?" Amelia nodded in agreement, carefully picking the thin bones out of her fish.

"I don't carry too much, that's true. It's heavy stuff, all that gold and junk. But I do have it. I always have plenty of money to my name." Lina huffed. Gourry nodded in agreement and swallowed.

"Yup, that's right. Every time we stop in a major mage town she disappears for an hour and then returns just in time for dinner. Then she orders an extra special dessert too and pays for all of dinner." Lina grinned.

"Yup, that's me. All generosity."

"That's because you keep your money in the Sorcerer's Guild." Gourry continued, "In towns with large mage guilds you drop off your loot and get road money and a bit extra for dinner." Gourry continued. Lina set her teeth and turned to face Gourry with halted half-motions.

"Gooourry . . ." She hissed. He blinked.

"Whaod Rida?" His mouth was now stuffed full of salmon and carrots, potato on his fork halfway to his lips.

"How do you know that?" Lina was turning an angry shade of red. Gourry swallowed again and paused before shoveling the potatoes in.

"You always do it. Every large mage town, no exceptions. It means an extra dish at dinner and a fancy dessert." He put down his fork and reached into Lina's cloak and started patting around her form. Lina jerked back and began pawing at Gourry's arm.

"HEY? Hey! Hey? NANI? What do you think you're doing!" She slammed the swordsman over the head with an empty plate just as he pulled his hand free.

"See?" He held up a new pouch, a guild mage's pink, full of money. "Owww, Lina that hurt." She snatched back the pouch and returned it to her cloak.

"Serves you right." She turned back to Filia, "So I'll lend you the money. But why do you want it? Your temple is in fine shape and you can rebuild the order . . ."

Filia was shaking her head. "I renounced the Fire Dragon and my position as a priestess. I can't go back and rebuild it for them. It would be foolish of me to try and rebuild something that's just going to hurt me and I no longer believe in. I want to open a pottery store." Lina grinned ear to ear.

"Sounds great Filia, and ya know what? I know you'll do well and I'm feeling generous. How about this? We'll get you the money to start your business and I'll pay for a shop and starting fees; Free and clear. All I'd like in return is a roof over my head when I'm in town and a homecooked dinner. Consider me a sponsor, or a business associate. I know a bit about keeping a shop." Lina lean back twirling her fork through her fingers. Filia's eyes glossed over.

"Lina, that's more than I could have asked for! Of course! Of course! That would be just wonderful! Thank you!"

"Umm, Filia? Your tail is showing . . ."

* * *

Replacing the vase on the shelf, I find the sun is now very low. The light is just a faint glimmer on the horizon. Just in time. I have just enough time to grab some candles before dark.

The glow of the candles is almost like that of the fireflies. A single point of light that shines out from the darkness. Only this one doesn't fade away. ValGaav is fine. From the light snoring I can hear, it would seen Jillas and Gravos went to bed already. I suppose today was a rough day for them. I had them running out to the port for a shipment I expected. I just didn't tell them how large the shipment was. Oops. . .

I take my favorite chair, next to ValGaav's basket and pull out my book. I've been doing this to, as Lina put it, get over it. The book itself is one of those I kept from my Fire Order days. I kept almost every one. Between the lines of erroneous history that I was fed as a dragonette, I fill in proper historical notes. When I can't remove my mind from the pain of knowing history has been recorded wrong, this helps. Perhaps I'll eventually publish the truth in volumes that will be found all over the world to replace the incorrect ones.

Granted I'm coming to understand that 'truth' is different to each of us. The Gold Dragons thought they were recording 'truth'. To me, this is delusions.

I turn to the next chapter. In large, sculpted letters the chapter heading reads; War of the Monster's Fall. I remember the stories about this one. This was Xellos' war. The one that cost Gold dragons so dearly, cutting down the numbers in our order to the point where we feared for our survival. I have heard the tale of this one many times. I know most of the exaggerations and honestly, this one is not particularly bad. Most of what history books say now is the truth: We were slaughtered.

I turn to the next page where a full color image of Xellos faces a page of black ink characters. I stare in shock at the image. For some reason, I don't recall ever seeing this image before. Horns, armor, rippling muscle and black skin. About the only thing correct about the appearance is the vivid violet eyes. I suppose that is unforgettable. No violet hair though, but plenty of pointed teeth. Golden dragons sprawled at his feet, but I cannot imagine Xellos dressing in torn rags such as that, and certainly not with blood staining his clothes.

The image is a gruesome conglomeration of horrors. Dark, evil at it's finest. It's all I can do to keep the bile in my throat from rising at the disgusting display exhibited before me in ink.

"No." The whisper escaped from my lips unbidden, "No, no! This isn't him! This isn't him at all! How could they . . . why?"

I knew why. It is to daemonize the daemon. Make the enemy inhuman, not to say Xellos is human but . . .

An energy signature.

Soft cloth wrapping supple fingers covered my eyes. He knows I hate it when he does this.

"Guess who!" The cheerfulness and the smile in his voice are not lost on me. Nor is the teasing edge. He came for a fight, as he always does. I sometimes think Lina asked him to check on me periodically and see how the shop is doing. Currently she should be on the other side of the continent.

"Xellos." I respond in a toneless whisper. It's all I can manage. His hands drop from my eyes and rest on my shoulders.

"Hello Filia! How did you ever guess?" The joking, teasing tone in his voice is unmistakable. He's here for games, for fun and lightheartness at my expense. I look at the open book and the smiling, charismatic (I have to admit that's true) mazoku. I note the venom I missed in the image before; dripping off elongated fangs. The image is truly hideous, as intended, but not for the same reasons.

* * *

"Hello Filia! How did you ever guess?" I smile and lean over her shoulder. Long day, very long day; Need some fun! All work and no play is just not for me. So I go find some fun and Filia is usually amusing. Okay, so that namagomi bit isn't fun, especially coming from a Gold, but hey, it's never dull. Kinda like visiting with Lina-tachi only in one neat little yellow package (that shoots laser beams and has a whipping tail to dodge).

She doesn't send any scathing retorts back so I pull my feet off the ground and hover, leaning over the chair back and twisting to see Filia's face. She must really be fuming if she can't reply. Giddy-giddy fun!

It is red, but not with anger as I expected. It's red and rigid with anguish, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks, eyes shut tight.

"Filia?" Softly, I slide around the chair, careful not to bump anything as I float. I brush her hair behind her dragon ears. This isn't like me. What am I doing? She shivers and covers her face. "Filia-chan?"

"No," She mumbles through her hands, "No, go away, Xellos." She sniffles and shakes her head, "Just go away."

This isn't the Filia I know and not what I was expecting when I dropped in. She's supposed to insult me. Dammit! This isn't right, I want my fun little fight. We're supposed to fight. She's not supposed to cry. I'm certainly not leaving until she's insulting me. It's supposed to be like that, not like this. I need a fight, dammit! Long day, need a fight, need to chill. Her crying isn't going to stop me from having a good old fashion argument with her!

The tears are pouring down her face so fast that she can't dry her cheeks before they're saturated again. Her breathing is heavy and I can tell her nose is congested from the gasping pattern. Damn girl, if I'm gonna get her to fight with me, I guess I'll have to start nice.

"Now Filia," softly again, softer than before, my voice sounds strange this way, "What could have you so upset? So upset that you can't even insult me? You actually called me Xellos." She laughs harshly through her tears, water logged blue eyes meeting mine. I offer her a hankie, purple of course.

"Namagomi." She whispers, accepting the token and wiping her pink nose. There was no feeling behind it though, just a word. It was spoken almost affectionately, actually. I'll just take that as an invitation then. I lift her up, watch her startle and the colorful expression on her face, then I take her chair and settle the dragon child on my lap. Somehow, I manage to settle her against me so her head rests on my shoulder.

"Now, Filia-chan, what's wrong?" I smile, trying to play the role of a concerned parent. Need that smile before I can start a sibling-type screaming match. She looks at the book she's holding, still open in her lap and then at me. Without a word her lower lip quivers and she's sobbing into my cloak. So much for the direct approach, I'll never get my fight this way.

I glance at the picture open on one page. The caption reads 'Beast-priest Xellos' in dark, blocky letters. Turning the book, I find the spine and realize what this is. Gold dragon textbooks, what foolishness is this? I thumb through a page or two after glancing at my distraught charge. I rub her arm unconsciously, murmmuring soothing phrases like I've seen others do. First time for everything, ne? The other pages have notes written in the margins and between the lines. I skim a few, quickly catching on to the gist, I turn back to the image.

Not a very good likeness. The eyes are the wrong shape. Foolish dragons, I smile to myself, they should have asked if they wanted a photo for their book. I point at the picture and replace it with a current picture. I like this photo very much. Zelgadis actually took it with one of those new-world cameras. The kind that are made in the outside world and you don't have to hold still very long. He was taking pictures of the rest of the gang and I popped in just in time to convince them to take my picture too. A nice smile, peace sign, every hair in place; I couldn't ask for one better in another thousand years.

Filia's sniffles quiet and she starts rubbing her eyes. I wipe a stray tear or two away as she admires my handiwork. Well, maybe not quite admires, but she is looking at it intently.

"Is that what's bothering you? The Gold dragon's little lies?" She nods slowly. I smile.

"Everyone lies, Filia. I do, well not really, I just don't always tell the truth." The quip brings a glossy smile to her face. A smile, but not good enough yet. I don't want her bawling when I fight with her. I brush back her hair again, not sure if the smile reaches her eyes enough. "This is a better likeness, though. Don't you think?"

A small giggle, hand covering her mouth. This time the smile reaches her eyes.

"Namagomi." She says softly, affection clearly coloring her voice this time.

"Better?" The query brings a thoughtful look to her face. She nods.

"Thank you, Xellos. It's just . . ." She fumbles for words.

"The Gold dragons make a game out of recreating their world they way they want to see it." My words are soft and hopefully helpful. Maybe I'll just fight with her tomorrow. A good night of her sleeping will make her fresh for an argument tomorrow. Maybe I can break one of her pots.

"Fabrication is just a matter of twisting words, choosing the ones that make them sound better. It's corruption, not really evil. There are some other Gold dragon clans that don't suffer from the same vice. I know a few. I could give you an introduction, perhaps that would help to feel your people didn't fail so terribly." I stop and think about what I just said and the silence that follows. L-sama, I'm being nice. I should break two pots tomorrow, that'll work. I'll do that. I'm not so overworked that my fight can't wait a day. Oh right, silence.

"That is it, isn't? You fear your ancestors and what they became, fearing you'll become that yourself?"

"Some of it." She admits. We sit in comfortable silence for a while. No sounds come from the rest of the house. Well, the sound of wood settling and the almost inaudible sound of crickets outdoor permeate the air. It's rather nice, like this.

"Xellos?" her voice soft, hesitant.

"Hmm?" Maybe that jar on the shelf there would upset her. It's a real pretty color and I don't think she's planning to sell it. Maybe I can get Jillas to break it for me . . . real 'accidental' like.

"Could . . . could you stay tonight? I don't really want to be alone right now." I start. She wants me to stay the night? She wants me to keep her company? The namagomi mazoku keeping the former priestess company? I pause in my spiraling thoughts. Nah, she's not suggesting that. The master bedroom has two beds. Just as well, probably better. I smile. I don't mind this idea at all. Better access to her pottery tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon, just to be on the safe side.

I smile.

"Sure Filia."

Gift-fic for GreyDamaskena.


End file.
